The Mission Marmot

The Mission Marmot

Thanks in part to their opposable thumbs, Mission marmots are often artists. Or more commonly, "very artistic". For a 12-pack of liquid encouragement called PBR, these adorable, lumberjack-like creatures can draw you some diamond shapes that would probably look pretty sick on a skateboard. 

Mission Marmots do not drive. Instead they make their way over the near-virtical San Francisco hills on "fixies", bicycles with no breaks and one gear. This has everything to do with their stance on Big Oil and nothing to do with their recent string of DUIs.

Aging Goth Three-Toed Sloth

We all know that there is nothing cuter than a baby sloth. But eventually the young sloth must assert its maturity and independence. This is often done by embracing all that is dark and "disturbing". By dying areas of its fur to unnatural colors and applying unflattering markings to its face, the soon-to-be-grown sloth tells its parents (and everyone else) that she no longer needs to be told what to do to survive in this harsh, totally fucked up world, OK?!!

Sadly (so...very sadly), some sloths never transition from this phase into true maturity. The Aging Goth Three-toed Sloth is a heart-breaking example of a creature who got stuck somehow in its development. She still turns her back on the "Normals" who have long-since grown bored with her once outrageous markings. After decade of brooding and sulking she knows no other way but to go on rebelling against....well, against what, science just can't be sure.

Bridge n' Tunnel Bulls

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Seen only on Friday and Saturday nights, bridge n' tunnel bulls migrate to the city from their natural habitat (Roseville, probably) to drink, get laid, and smash things. 

Bridge n' tunnel bulls can be easily identified by their markings which have evolved to keep them well camouflaged amongst the products found in their environment (Costco). 

These fascinating beasts always travel in packs, usually numbering from 2 - 6, though in many cases such as Santa-con or Bay-to-breakers, their numbers can quickly grow into the hundreds of thousands.

Listen for their calls:

  • Lemme buy you a vodka and Redbull, baby.

  • Don't call it Frisco, dude! They hate that.

  • WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Welcome to the Astounding World of SF-WildLife

Welcome to my new blog experiment! My name is Ben Walker. I'm an illustrator living in San Francisco, California. Living here has always been my dream. I guess my whole life right now is a fantasy come to life. I live in a smallish one bedroom apartment with a beautiful model and we're crazy in love. I make art and hustle to make rent and pay my bills.

But living in SF is kind of nuts! 

For the first time in my adult life, I am without a car. I walk a lot. It keeps me in shape and on my toes. During the two years I have walked and bussed around this city I have seen some amazing and unbelievable sights. On an average day I see about six truly astounding things; things I might want to recall to a grandchild. When I was say, 20 my friends and I would witness something nutty and it would become an inside joke to be repeated for years. Now I see these kinds of things every day. Have you ever seen a grown man punting bagels across a busy intersection? French teens riding their skateboards on the bus? A junky dancing in a corn costume? That was my Tuesday. 

I have started to record these wild and bizarre characters and situations. Each Weekday I will post a new creature that I have encountered in this untamed city. I hope you all are as fascinated by them as I am.

Welcome to Ben Walker's SF-WildLife!

New Years Resolution Rhino

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The New Years Resolution Rhino can be identified by his doughy physique and trendy, yet ill-advised choice in footwear.